如何修改英语作文

Original GrammatAcademitext ical c Style Accuracy (1)Anim(1)AnimalAnimals als, such s, such as such as as chicken,achickens chicken, re always are always kept in Frequenkept in inadequatly kept inadequte in ate conditioninadequconditios for the ate ns for benefit of conditiobenefits human ns for of beings. the human benefit beings. of human beings. Cohesion Rheto& ric Coherence Animals are frequently treated without consideration by human beings and this should stop.However, Animals, such as chicken, are frequently kept in inadequate conditions for the benefit of human beings (2)In my 2)In my HoweveIn fact, opinion, opinion, r, animal animal animal animal rights rights are right is rights are are as as as as importaimportant importaimportannt as as human nt as t as human rights. human human rights. There are right. rights. a number of arguments to support this view (3)Anim First of all, als are animals our are human friends. beings’ friends and (4) We (4) We should should should therefore therefortherefore be treated e treat treat as friends. them them as friendly. friends.

(5)Every year animals are subjected to experiments so painful and damaging that no one would ever do them on humans Animals are continually subjected to experiments so painful and damaging that they e would not be performed on humans. (6)Although animal testing playa very important role in research, we should all work to reduce the number of (6)Although animal testing playsa very important role in research, we should all work to reduce the number of animals which/thatsuffer. YacsesadtwbpoAlthough Ianimal testing aplays an Aessential role ain research, twe should all pwork to ereduce the rnumber of ranimals hwhich/that banimals who suffer. suffer. (7)Actually, it is impossible that we stop animal testing which there is no other way to instead of. 7)Actually, it is impossible to stop animal testing for which there is no alternative. (8)Mass production of animals such as chickenis harmful for human beings. , Currently it is not possible to stop animal testing for which there is no alternative. Nevertheless, humans could improve the condition of animals The mass production of For example, animals such as chickens in the mass is harmful for human production of beings. animals such as chickens in which large numbers of swrnawsICipstwia(9)We always seesomeanimal abuse from newspaper. We always read about animal abuse in thenewspapers. (10)For example, a lot of chickens arein a big room, they don’t have space to move and *alwayseat the food which contains hormone. For example, a lot of chickensare in a big room and they donot have space to move, always eating food containing hormones. chickens are kept in confined spaces and constantly fed with food containing hormones. Furthermore,animal abuse is frequently reported in the newspapers, and it has become a serious problem in society today Moved to S8. (11) Animal abuse has been a serious problem in our society. (11a)Some people find their happiness from killing or abusing their animals. (12)Providing thatgovernment don’t take any action onit, some people would do further dangerous things. Animal abuse has become/is a serious problem in our society. (11a)Some people find happiness in killing or abusing animals. Providing that governments donot take action, some people could do further dangerous things. Moved to S9 (13)In sum, animals have their right. (14)Treating better to them is only our choose. In sum, animals have their rights. Treating them better is our only choice (15)If not, we would receive the punishment If not, we could be punished by Nature. Providing that no action is taken by governments, such individuals could cause further harm. In conclusion, animals have rights and treating them with more consideration is human beings’ only choice. Otherwise,humans maybe from nature punished by Nature.